Did I lose myself in college?

I really thought about this hard yesterday after not really knowing what I do for fun. I almost felt as though I was questioning everything I’ve done beyond high school. It was almost as if the only narrative I could think of for my college experience is the one where my life revolves around school and my sorority. Neither are a bad thing, but I started to wonder if I really know myself at all.

Slowly but surely though, memories of the other things that I’ve done outside of my sorority and school life started to come back to me. It was almost as if I was regaining some memories of late nights with my friends going to get ice cream that we shouldnt eat because we’re lactose intolerant. Or going to Vegas for the first time with my church friends. I didn’t realize that I did so many things that I love to do with friends that heavily influenced what I love to do by myself.

I just realized though that I’m not as good at balancing everything like I thought I was. In times of high pressure, I was really focused on school, work and sorority responsibilities. I felt the pressure to get everything done and I really isolated myself. Instead of reaching out, I fought within me to make myself stretch so thin that I snapped.

At that point, everything almost seemed like it was not for me. That I did what I did for others. And maybe I did. Maybe that’s why my life seemed so different after the breaking point.

After the messy part and making sure I cleaned up after myself, I think I know myself better than I thought I did. I love to experience music, gardening isn’t terrible, being in the kitchen is soothing, and I like to find ways to exercise. And obviously writing is my passion.

With everything that comes out way about personal development, it’s become easy to think that we don’t know ourselves. Just try not to give into it. Give yourself a break. Maybe you really do know yourself.

-Joss

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s