With the end of the school year just around the quarter, I’ve finally accepted that I am burning out. However I did not expect to be this burnt put, especially as I am just approaching midterms for this quarter. Seriously, I’ve been wishing for classes to be cancelled every week. But this past Monday was the worst bout of resistance that I’ve had all quarter.
I actually did a lot in the morning to start my day off right: I ate breakfast, meditated, did yoga, read and did my normal skin care routine. By the time I was out the door, I was feeling so good and ready for the day. I normally am dreading my first class, but I was feeling so good that I walked into that class feeling amazing.
While I was at work, waiting for my shift to end and to go to my next class I noticed that I felt the need to cry. And not just a few tears, but like a whole session to just get everything out. The last time that I felt this way was when I was stressed from my sorority meetings. It was that level of crying.
In that moment, I realized just how much I hated my class and did not want to go. Because in all reality, I can’t handle any more than the two classes I really need to take. Not that this dance class is a lot of work. But it’s requirements are taking up mental space that I don’t have.
Because I had no idea what to do about this class, I looked to a few friends for advice. Then I realized how much I look to other people for validation to do the things I need to do. Even after my friends assured me that I wasn’t being a wimp- my own thoughts- for just not going to my dance class, I still worried about my parents judging me for not going to my class. Even though I didn’t really explain everything fully, just hearing them supporting my decision to not worry about that class anymore was a load off my shoulders.
I should have changed this class when I first thought about switching classes. And I should have listened to myself when I realized that this was not the class that I wanted to take. Even if we don’t want to admit it, the initial feelings or gut reactions we get about things are usually right. And if we aren’t listening to them, the universe will remind us that we should.
I know that listening to our gut, or intuition, or feelings, is not necessarily the easiest or most feasible option, especially if you have limited options, but it usually is the most rewarding. Life is full of complicated decisions and events that make life the beautiful mess that it is. But if we listen to our gut, our lives will be a lot more balanced and more fulfilling. Or maybe even less stressful. But we won’t know unless we try.
It’s a lesson that I am working on learning and I look forward to getting better at recognizing what my gut is telling me.
Do you listen to your gut?