Happy almost New Years! I hope your holidays were not as tense as mine. Wasn’t I just telling you that my life has been crazy? If you can’t tell by the title, this post is not going to be easy. Mainly for me to write about it. So let’s just get to it.
A few weeks ago, I heard my maternal grandmother saying some not so nice things about my family. I was in so much shock that I started to cry. Luckily one of my best friends was able to just listen to me and make me feel better. So shout out to her.
But after that moment, I knew that I could no longer ignore the fracture that was between us. And if I’m being honest, I’ve known about the space between us for less than five years. It’s apparent to everyone but her.
I could not allow myself to continue to pretend that things were okay between us. We were both guilty of it. So I stopped because this time felt more urgent. And it was. People always say that you should surround your self with people that are good for your mental health. Truth is, she hasn’t been in a long time.
Dealing with this divorce has been hard. And to be honest I still haven’t gotten used to it. I stopped calling or referring to her as “grandma” but as “my mom’s mom”. I stopped talking to her, but we haven’t really talked in a long time. I made a resolution to stop driving her places or doing her favors, which she deems a right because she is my relative. And I have to work through being okay with the fact that things will never be the same.
Most of all, I decided to take care of myself. This choice wasn’t easy but when I justified it to myself, I realized that family doesn’t do that. At least my version of my family doesn’t. Not in the way that she did.
I wanted to write about this because I know that this isn’t an easy choice to make. And I want to let people know that it’s okay to cut someone out of your life if they are not good for you. Even if there are people who do not agree with your choice, it is yours alone to make. Stay strong because we will make it through this.
Also remember that you are not alone. I’ve been taking every opportunity to talk to friends and family about this situation. Healing comes in all forms and personally, my load is lightened when I can share it. So heal in whatever way you need to. I’ll see you all in the new year!