Going Against the Hooking Up Norm

Last week I wrote about being honest when we communicate and I mentioned that this is something that has cost be potential dates. Let me explain.

First off, I never know what to say on dating apps. That’s a 100% why I prefer apps that allow the guy to message me first. Other wise the guy I match with just sits there until I can’t talk to him any more.

Secondly, I am probably the worst person to have on a dating app. Especially in the current hookup culture that we have become so used to, I feel like the odd one out. When I go onto any apps, I try to make it as clear as possible that I am not down to hookup. And I’ve noticed a lot that guys still ask me if I’m down to hook up. And it’s a no.

But bringing myself to write that almost brings a sort of shame or makes me wonder if there is something wrong with the fact that I don’t want to hook up. Not just now but for a while. Putting that out there is scary, especially when you don’t know what that person is going to say.

I’ve noticed that some guys are just all about that, pushing to have sex at any point even when you aren’t comfortable with it. Others are okay- which they should be it’s not their body or decision. Getting used to telling people that I am just not going to have sex is daunting. But I got over it a lot faster that I would have if I had not told him I wasn’t down to hookup.

In the end, no one else should have the power to make you feel bad about your decisions. Those are yours alone to make and if someone gets mad, then they shouldn’t be part of your life. It’s hard to deal with this especially when all you want is to date seriously. Let me be the one to tell you that it’s not your fault or that you don’t need to change your mind. Stick to what you believe in and eventually things will work out.

-Joss

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