Hey everyone! Week 6 has come and gone! Seriously where does the time go?

I feel like we just started this journey and now here we are about one sixth of the way through. Don’t quote me on that though because I am not a math person. Anyway the question for this week:

“When I look in the mirror at myself, I feel…because…”

And if someone had asked me to write about this question a few years ago, my answers would have been terrible because of the way I look. And now, while I am on this journey I would have to feel very proud of the things that I am able to do. Like for real, I can do Crossfit and love it. How many people can say that?

I feel like this has been a theme that has grown over the course of this challenge. Not only has  the way that I felt about my body changed, but the way I view it is different now too. A lot of this could because of the journaling that I do most of the time. But I think a lot of it has to be the fact that I am actively confronting the issue of the shame I feel around my body.

Life update: I started weight watchers! Yup, it wasn’t my decision but I did it for my mom. Who after a long conversation with me let me know that she was concerned for me. So I teamed up with her to go ahead and start making a new change in my life.

But all this talk of moving into change and making a difference in my own life leads me to motivation. I used to think that the best way to motivate myself was to think about my future and work to aim for that goal. And for a while, it works. We get inspired and we try to make it work.

Then if you’re like me, you hit a wall and then all motivation is lost. Until something else happens and you’ve found motivation again. It’s a never ending cycle. But I think that I found something even more powerful as a motivator: fear.

I recently decided to take a trip to visit a close friend in Northern California and, even though I live in Southern California, I decided to fly there. Because I would not want to drive all alone for 6 hours. Although in retrospect that does sound nice…

But then I got all excited to go on the plane and the trip that I realized that I was not sure what to do in the flight. The last time I flew somewhere was over 2 years ago. And I’ve gained a lot of weight since then. So I’m a bit worried about how I’ll fit in the seat.

So I’ve been using that fear of the reality of things to keep me in check. I know that sounds terrible and harsh, but I think it’s a nice dose of reality. It even worked back in high school. When prom came around and I was going in for a fitting at the place it was getting tailored, I panicked when the dress was a bit snug. So in about a week and a half, I lost weight, so much so that I was a bit scared to raise my arms because my dress could have fallen.

So fear might be a great motivator. Just some food for thought. What’s your motivation?


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